Wait, what? A Morris Minor on a Japanese car-oriented blog? That’s right, but this Celestial Minor is very special as it carries a secret in its underpinnings and these AE86 pizzacutter wheels should give you a hint in the correct direction.
A Celestial 1970 Morris Minor with AE86 pizzacutter wheels
The Morris Minor was a car that was manufactured between 1948 and 1971. If you’re less familiar with the history of the British car industry, Morris merged with Austin in 1952 and became the British Motor Company, also known as BMC. In 1968 BMC merged with Leyland Motors (Triumph and Rover) and became British Leyland. Why is this important? Well, because the Minor in question was produced under British Leyland in 1970, this could have been one of the very last Minors produced.
I wish you a happy Easter with one of the cutest cars by Suzuki: the Lapin! Lapin means rabbit or bunny in French, so now you know the connection with the Easter bunny!
Suzuki Lapin HE21 in 2002
Lapin history
The Suzuki Lapin was launched in 2002 as a cubical kei car based on the underpinnings of the Suzuki Alto. It also got sold as the Mazda Spanio under the Autozam flag, but that car is less interesting as it’s just a rebadged version of the Lapin.
I’m sure you must have a couple of WTFs in your head by now: a Suzuka Carol Levin AE86? Isn’t that supposed to be a Mazda Carol or a Toyota Corolla Levin AE86? No, it isn’t in this advertisement:
Suzuka Sangyo Carol wheels advertisement with a Corolla Levin AE86
Whacky advertisement text
The Japanese writing reads: You might call it a space technology but this wheel holds the “romance of driving” of a new era. Right, so these Suzuka Carol wheels are supposed to be space technology that holds the romance of driving in a new era?
What are Suzuka Sangyo Carol wheels?
When I searched for Suzuka wheels, I could only find cheap knock-off wheels that are called Suzuka. I found via Kyusha Shoes that Suzuka Sangyo is the brand that made the Carol wheel. What I also found out is that Suzuka Sangyo actually was the brand behind the Long Champ XR4 wheel and the wheel was manufactured by SSR. This really surprised me as I was under the impression it was SSR who manufactured and sold it. Anyway, I digress…
This Work Equip advertisement is another wacky magazine advertisement from a random Japanese magazine. It’s just mindboggling what the designers must have thought when they composed this advertisement. Let’s go over all those texts in the advertisement! City after dark is our stage! You look so fine tonight! Let our dreams run all through the night I’m your heroin May I sit next to you? We’re the real Rock’n Rollers Come with us, Equip! You, get off! American Dream, you are going to be us
Work Equip magazine advertisement featuring the band Serika with Dog
I’m quite puzzled by the I’m your heroin May I sit next to you? I could interpret this in various ways. Also, by the absence of a female person in this advertisement, the meaning of heroin makes me fear the worst!
This aero kit and Saucer wheels on the Honda City was developed in the early 1980s by a tuning shop called Motor Sports Meiju in the Kyoto prefecture in Japan. 40 years onwards, it looks strange and heavily dated. It looks crude and this is not how Aero evolved over the past 40 years. So what is it and who is this Keiji dude sitting with a wheel in his lap?
1983 Motor Sports Meiju Saucer wheel ad
Motor Sports Meiju history
I guess I first have to explain what Motor Sports Meiju is. It all begins with the late racing driver Keiji Matsumoto (松本恵二). Matsumoto started his career in 1968 when he bought a used Toyota Corolla and, unbeknownst to his parents, he stripped off all unnecessary accessories and started practising on Suzuka Circuit and the Higashiyama route near his hometown of Kyoto. He debuted in 1969 in the T-1 class and worked his way up via FJ1300 to F2000, a precursor to the F2 class in 1976. In 1979 he managed to win the, by now renamed, F2 class. Shortly after this, he started his own tuning shop called Motor Sports Meiju. Matsumoto is a very well-known Japanese racing driver and featured in many Cabin Spirit ads.
This Fortran Drag Wheels advertisement has so many WTF?!s in it that I simply don’t know where to begin. I did feature the Fortran Revolt wheels before and those wheels also had some interesting advertisements. But these Drag wheels, oh boy! Let’s just unravel this ad. Layer by layer, detail by detail.
Fortran Drag Wheels advertisement – I don’t even know where to begin…
Gigantic woman towering the Manhattan Skyline
I think we can first start with the 1980s airbrush painting of a giantic woman which I can best describe standing in a Kiba-dachi stance towering over the Manhattan skyline. Her right high-heeled shoe is standing on top of the water in the Upper Bay or the Hudson River.
Chained up woman over the Manhattan skyline
Is she wearing 1970s plateau shoes? She’s holding chains that seem to be coming from somewhere in downtown New York. The chains seem to break somewhere in the middle, but her arms don’t seem to suggest she is the one breaking it with force. On the contrary: she’s just holding them. Maybe the chain is put on a high voltage and now the centre link is disintegrating?
Over the moon and Jupiter
Giant moon and Jupiter. That gravitational pull must be immense!
Behind the woman on the left, there is a gigantic moon. If the moon were this close to the earth, probably New York would have been flooded by the immense force of Moon-gravity. On the right of the woman, we can see a planet. Presumably, this is Jupiter. What is it doing there?
Another Skyline
Nissan Skyline GT-EX KGC211 floating in the Hudson River
The Manhattan skyline isn’t the only skyline in this advertisement. At the bottom of the advertisement, we can see a facelifted Nissan Skyline GT-EX C211 with a big golden 2000 GT Turbo sticker on the side of the car. Oy has some huge bubble-shaped over fenders and looks just like it was inspired by its Group 5 contemporaries. Why it’s floating on top of the water we don’t know. What we do know is that the wheels featured on this car are Fortran Drag Wheels. Even the license plate tells us so.
Drag, the Dynamic wheel – Fortran really knew how to create a good tagline!
Above the woman, we can also see DRAG in bold painted letters and the tagline the Dynamic wheel. Why dynamic is written with a capital D is a mystery to me.
Conclusion
So, what do I make of this? If you look at all these pieces separately, it doesn’t make sense at all. The chain, the moon, Jupiter, the floating Skyline GT-EX, and the woman over the Manhattan skyline. Nothing makes sense.
That is until I realized the randomness of all these things must have a meaning. The Fortran Drag wheels are called the Dynamic wheel for a reason. They need to be dynamic in any situation: a too-close-for-comfort moon with a huge gravitational pull. Rescuing a Godzilla-sized woman who is being chained down. Floating with big balloon-sized tires on your Fortran Drag wheels. Yes, it all makes sense now!
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